Farewell USMNT Class of 2014

grumpy cat USMNT

USMNT: The Death Dealers – Why Team USA would have made any group the “Group of Death”


In one week, June 16th, the US Men’s National Team begins it’s first Group Stage game at the World Cup in Brazil. The consensus seems to be that USA landed in the, often overhyped, “Group of Death” / Group G. Meaning they drew the toughest group for the group stage of World Cup 2014 in Brazil. We drew Germany (ranked 2nd by FIFA), Portugal (3rd), & Ghana (38).


But here’s the thing: We would have made mostly any group a “Group of Death” by the very act of being placed into it. Here’s why. We’re good. We’re not Spain good or even Netherlands good. But we’re ranked 14th according to FIFA (if you take stock in that list). In the interest of fairness, FIFA takes the 32 World Cup contenders and puts them into “Pots” based on geography and ranking. Our Pot, Pot number 3, was easily the weakest of the bunch. The next best team was Mexico who are ranked 19. So no matter where we were placed, we would make that group ‘deadlier’.


Think about it. If we landed in Group B we would have been placed with Spain (1), Netherlands (15), and Chile (13). Instant death! Or how about Group D? Instead of Costa Rica, it would have been USA versus Uruguay (6), Italy (9), & England (11). El morte! I would even make the argument that if USA landed in Group A and had to face Brazil (under ranked at 4), Croatia (20), & Cameroon (50) it wouldn’t have been a Group of Death, but death adjacent.

So rejoice US Men’s National Team. You are the Death Dealer in this World Cup. Where you go, trouble and worry will follow. Embrace your role and have at it.

I feel Jürgen Klinsmann will take this team and his umlaut to Brazil and really challenge Germany. He used to coach them! He might even have the password to their computer system and be able to hack into their playbook. Ghana! I don’t even want to talk about them. After they knocked us out in two World Cups in a row, it’s payback time. And your country’s name sounds like half a venereal disease. Just saying. And Portugal? As Ronaldo goes, so goes Portugal. I’m hoping he has a bad hair day.

See you in Brazil!

Go Go USA!

USMNT Bomb Pop Uniform

US National Team #USMNT away uniform.

USA vs Ghana 6/16, USA vs Portugal 6/22, USA vs Germany 6/26.

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